Hours Before New York...

I've never found myself attached to a home, to a car, to an old piece of paper, a letter maybe, never good about saving money or particularly attached to people but what I do find myself gripping so tightly, so fervently to is seasons, times, moments. And that is what you would call the past. I've always been attached to it, always looking to my future & becoming excited, ecstatic even and anxious for its arrival. I've always wondered why I could never live in that future moment though. I couldn't wait for it to come and then it was as if I could only experience the present when it became my past. Wow. I just re-read that sentence and it perfectly describes my 21 year old life defect. I lived on memories and I don't know, maybe it is because when things are the past, you are able to remember them and re-live them whatever way you want. You can spin the truth, rearrange the facts. I'm not sure if I did that or not, given the fact that memory is so limited, so selective, so biased. However, for once in my life, though I'm terrified and overjoyed all at the same time about what the future holds for me, I'm living in the present time. I don't think on my past for comfort. I don't think on my past for pity. I don't think on my past to run down all the things I should have done differently for the list goes on and will go on until my final days. I am finally in the present. How strangely it feels to experience a live moment! And in this experience I can say that I wish I had done this more often! This can't be anything but a God given state. My emotions are not reaching out to what has passed in Geneva & my heart is not pained to be thrust into the jungle that is New York City, a jungle that I am completely and utterly unfamiliar with. What is this? Yes. Contentment.